OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he shaved USA in his pubs
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
