I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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