he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
