he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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