you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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