So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
