im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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