I heard we made out
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
