it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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