I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
