The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
