NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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