apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
