I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
