You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
