I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Randomize
