dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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