You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
