my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
