The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
