I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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