I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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