FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
