Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Your face is a jimmy john
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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