drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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