It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
