watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
