it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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