How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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