to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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