She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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