it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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