You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
