oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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