if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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