When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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