You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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