You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
