its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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