I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
