she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
