If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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