Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
