Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
