He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
