I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
