I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
love makes seman taste better
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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