if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
