I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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