Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
