True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
