I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
