omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dick very happy bro
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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