am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
