I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
